I was sharing on Saturday during DC about how the last lesson impacted me, especially when it came to people-pleasing. I have lived my whole life as a people-pleaser. Perks of being a firstborn. A high achiever. Wanting to make Mama and Papa happy and proud. Avoiding risks or mistakes. If perfection had a face, it would be mine. Weird things used to embarrass me. Speaking of embarrassing moments, let me share the most humiliating thing that ever happened to me.
In primary school, we used to go swimming at a place called Sadili Oval. I remember Mum had bought me a tube costume. We called them tubes, though I’m not sure what they’re called today. It had no sleeves, no straps—just a straight cut across my chest. I’m a natural in water, by the way.
So one day, I was in the pool and decided to thrust myself backwards for a backstroke. My goodness. The moment I pushed off, my sleeveless costume rolled straight down to my waist. I had to dive underwater and struggle to pull it back up. To this day, I have no idea if anyone saw anything, but I was in primary school (12 years), so you can imagine my horror.
Anyway, back to DC. We were asked what stuck with us from the previous session. For me, it was people-pleasing. I realised that, for the first time, I didn’t seek to please anyone last week. Today, I was reflecting on how differently I handled things compared to the old me.
Take this, for example. If I met someone somewhere and we rode together, old me would offer to drop them home, then figure out how to get back on my own. Last week, we had a colloquium at school, and my friend and I were walking back together. She had errands to run, while I was simply heading home. When we got to the car, she was going in the complete opposite direction—far away. And I was also heading in the complete opposite and farther direction. Old me would have said, Let me drop you home, then I’ll go home. After all, God blessed me with a car so I could help people, right? But I didn’t do that.
Another example—my dad came for my car, so he gave me his wife’s old car to use in the meantime. Old me would have been mortified to drive that car. Mine is a small KDP, and my stepmum’s is a KAZ. You can imagine. Old me would have been extremely embarrassed to be seen in it. In fact, I would have made sure to explain to anyone and everyone, By the way, this isn’t my car. Just so you know. But new me? New me doesn’t give two hoots.
Old me never stood up for herself. Old me would be abused and manipulated by people in higher positions, and she would obey without question. Old me would be told to shut up, and she would. Old me would be told to jump, and she would ask How high? Old me would be treated unfairly and still accept it.
But last week, new me was challenged—and new me handled it like new me. I refused to be made to feel small. I refused to be guilt-tripped. I refused to be spoken down to. And the best part? I deleted my ex’s number from my phone. It just hit me—I don’t need him in my life anymore, and he doesn’t need to keep tabs on me. That final act of disconnection felt so good. Now, I don’t even know his number, and soon, I’ll forget it completely.
The growth I’ve experienced is something I could never have imagined seven months ago. But look at me now—See God.
On another note, I’m now officially churchless. Since relocating, I’ve struggled to attend my church in Ngong, and I’ve finally accepted that I won’t be going back. I am healed. No longer wounded. That church served its purpose in my life for the season I was there. But now, going back causes me more stress and pain than peace. So I’m letting go and preparing to plant myself elsewhere. Probably back at my childhood church, ACK. And this time, I won’t leave again.
It’s funny how life goes full circle. When I joined campus, I moved to a church near my school. When I finished, I moved back to ACK. When I relocated to Milimani, I joined a church near there. When I moved back home, I returned to my home church. Then I moved to Ngong and joined a church near there. Now that I’ve left Ngong, I’m going back to my home church. East or West, home is always best. There’s nowhere like home.
Anyway, that’s what I’ve been up to. And for those of you who like keeping tabs on my social life—yes, my dates for today and tomorrow are with ladies. First one is with a lady and a man (together), and the second is with a lady. So no need to speculate—I’m still married to Jesus, and I’m happy that way.
Have a wonderful and blessed night. Also, are babies really going to school today in this rain? They’re talking about flash floods. Gosh.